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Hillary

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[20 Oct 2005|11:18pm]
FUCK OFF.
here we go again

[02 Jun 2005|10:37pm]
One look is all it takes for me to want you again. Your eyes see through me and I like the way that feels. I know it's wrong and I know it's not what you want, but your beautiful blue eyes get me every time.
here we go again

The Band Keeps On Playing, but No One Hears [02 Jun 2005|10:31pm]
The Band Keeps On Playing, but No One Hears

out of tune
and out of place--
the music of my heart.
wanting to go
where it was first discovered,
but pushed away
to hum an unknown song.
melody and harmony,
once intertwined,
have been torn apart
piece by piece.
a rest,
a caesura,
the end of the song?
you are the rythm in me,
the beat of my heart.
stop the music,
stop my life.
here we go again

Slowly, but Surely [02 Jun 2005|10:28pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Slowly, but Surely

Needle through my eye,
hole through my heart.
Body temperature rising
and blood boiling.
Sweat dripping,
hands slipping.
Falling faster
and faster.
Screaming louder
and louder.
Deaf
and
blind
to
love.
You kill me.
You know you do.

here we go again

Thoughts from a Car [21 Feb 2005|01:40am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Thoughts from a Car

The toxic burning
of something new.
Diminishing loyalty
to the one who holds
the throne.
The pedestal
has been
broken.
Can you climb
back to the top?
Show me how,
show me how to
love again,
live again.
Temptation
has never been
so sweet.
Irony
has never tasted
this bitter.
The fever,
the fragrance--
it's all the same,
all blurred together
to create
a distinct image
not known to
the eye.
Something's changed;
bridges are
burning,
the knots are
loose.
What ties us?
What makes us
who we are?


...I actually wrote that while driving the other day. I kinda like it, but whatever. comments are appreciated. <3

just a fun fact here: this isn't about me wanting to cheat on my boyfriend or anything like that. I love him with all my heart. This was just something random that I thought up. Sometimes I write and what comes out doesn't even apply to my life, so yeah. Just for clarification...I love you Matt

1 ashamed of being broken in-- here we go again

Tone Speaks [08 Jan 2005|12:41pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Tone Speaks

the words you say,
the way you speak,
it all conveys
the same
repetitive message—
“I don’t care.”
you look at me
in a confused fashion,
almost as if
you
love
and
hate
me
at the same time.
this tone,
hatred,
madness,
it adds up
inside of me
as sadness
and reappears
on the surface
as lonely tears.

written last night...I wasn't in the best of moods. I love you Matt

here we go again

Reflection of Love [06 Jan 2005|03:41pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Reflection of Love

I never thought
I would find someone
with eyes as
blue
as yours.
Blue like the
sky,
blue like the
ocean.
Just like these two
celestial bodies
reflect each other,
so do we.
When I look at you,
I can see the love
from my heart
in your eyes.
You reflect the
very best of me;
you reflect yourself.



sorry it's been so long since I've updated--I just keep forgetting, but yeah. I wrote this one today during calculus because I was sitting there thinking about my blue eyed baby, Matt, and thought of something I thought was pretty good? I don't know. Let me know what you think.

here we go again

A Thank You is in Order [01 Nov 2004|08:18pm]
A Thank You is in Order

Get out of my mind—
you are in everything I do,
but I want you gone.
Everything I’ve written,
everything I’ve done
has been with you in mind.
Thank you for choking me,
blinding me,
making me bleed.
You broke my fragile heart
and I want
every
little
piece
back
because I know
there is someone out there
who can put it back together.
I want to breathe--
so let it go.



[originally written about Austin]
4 ashamed of being broken in-- here we go again

Friday the Thirteenth [01 Nov 2004|08:17pm]
Friday the Thirteenth

It was a sunny day,
but now it has all faded.
Months have past
and I still manage
to be the thorn in your heart.
I am the once beautiful flower
that has shriveled up
in your hand.
Can’t you see?
You suffocated me with your
undying love.
And now,
I am out of your deadly grasp,
and you,
you are the flower
dying in the darkness
for I do not shed light upon you.
With each of your weaknesses,
I grow stronger.
And with each of your tears,
my smiles show through.
Before, during those dreadful months,
a part of me died because of you,
and now, you are getting what you deserve.
You are reliving the pain I once possessed
and I have the happiness
you shall
never
have again.



[originally written about Matt...sorry baby, you know I love you<3]
here we go again

WHORE [01 Nov 2004|08:13pm]
WHORE

You abandoned your best friend
(for a cheap thrill)
now I’m all alone
(I hate you)
You never thought I’d do this
(but unlike you I have a mind of my own)
it just seems right
(not like you care anyway)
so this is the end
(your fun has taken its toll)
when you need me I won’t be there
(so go run to them)
I’ve been in the dark for far too long
(shed your light upon someone more worthy)
take your pitiful tears to someone who gives a damn
(because I sure as hell don’t)
you broke me, hurt me, killed me
(and I hope you choke on the sarcasm that drips from your lips)



[originally written about Sharon--sorry, this was when we were fighting and all]
here we go again

I Believe... [01 Nov 2004|08:11pm]
I Believe...

I believe there is a such thing as happy endings, the sun will always shine, my tears will fade away and one day you will find me.

I believe in playful kisses under the stars, laughing until you can’t stand up and love at first sight.

I don’t believe in forever.

I believe promises can be broken.
I believe in dancing in the rain.
I believe everything happens for a reason.

I believe in life and that everyone has a purpose. I believe in taking chances and living life to the fullest and if I fall along the way, I always have myself to fall back on--I am the only person I can trust.
here we go again

Lipstick Stains [01 Nov 2004|08:09pm]
Lipstick Stains

Traces of her lipstick decorate your neck; you’ve been out late again, drinking of course. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Oh no, you don’t love me anymore. I don’t know if you ever did. And the saddest thing is, I love you. I’ve always loved you. You’re all I’ve ever known, but then again, you’ve had such a tight grasp on me for as long as I can remember. You never let me go, you never loosened up. I was always yours and you were always mine. But now I want it to change. You think it’s pointless, but change is never a waste of time. You’ve sucked all the light out of my life and I’m sick of living in the dark. So I’m moving on without you. I want to be able to see again and with you smothering me, you’re preventing my happiness. Get out of my life. I’ve had enough of you. Now I’ve found someone better than you could ever be. He loves me for who I am. He loves me and only me and the only lipstick stains on his collar are my own. Wipe yourself clean of me and have a nice life with your one-night stands and drunken nights. Your life has no meaning. I hope you’re happy.



[originally written about my parents]
here we go again

The Value of a Kiss [01 Nov 2004|08:06pm]
The Value of a Kiss

It's not in the way you kiss. It's not in the way your sweet, gentle lips caress my own, for that can be taught and perfected over time. It's not the adoring look in your eyes before you paint my lips with the colors of desire, for that look can be faked. It's not the way your hand always seems to find mine in the midst of our romantic entanglement, for that action can be performed out of repetition. But it's the way you make me feel when I'm with you. Your lips are not only a part of you, but they are a part of me as well. They hold a truth. A truth that no one else knows, a truth that I can see when I’m with you and the one, the only truth that I need.



[orignially written about Matt]</i>
here we go again

Brown Eyes [01 Nov 2004|08:04pm]
Brown Eyes

Beautiful brown eyes,
I fall into you
and into your
deep pools of
forever.
And your sweet smile
melts my heart
while I’m hanging on
every word
that falls from your lips.
With one soft touch,
I would be yours,
but your hands
and your heart
belong to her.
Beautiful brown eyes,
sweet smiles
and a soft touch
are all I need
and are all I will dream of.


[orginially written about Mike]
here we go again

This Is Me [31 Oct 2004|02:32pm]
This Is Me

Imperfection
is burned in my mind.
Never expect
the best
from me
when you can get
the worst
so much more easily.
A shadow over my soul,
a burden over my heart--
darkness
seeping through my skin
and into my veins;
blinded.
The light of life
has been taken away from me
and I am no longer
alive.
Bending, bending,
broken.
Take the shattered
pieces of my life,
put them in your memory
as a life marked by
greatness and
scarred by tragedy.


[written 10.25.04]
here we go again

Gone [31 Oct 2004|02:24pm]
Gone

The missing page,
ripped from the seam,
torn up,
thrown away.
The mystery it holds,
never to be found.
A hidden meaning,
a lost love,
a broken thought;
endless possibilities.
The mystery of
tomorrow
will never be discovered
today.


[written 10.18.04]
here we go again

The Sound of Silence [31 Oct 2004|02:22pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

The Sound of Silence

The nothing in everything.
Long days,
cold nights,
drip
drop
drip
drop
harmony is broken.
Cold metal,
sharp blade,
drip
drop
drip
drop
surrounded by darkness.
Falling over,
nothing left,
drip
drop
drip
drop
SILENCE.


[written 10.18.04]

here we go again

Only the Faithful Survive [17 Oct 2004|09:45pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

Only the Faithful Survive

The darkness
swallows my soul
with emptiness
surrounding my heart.
The light shed upon me
only flickers
and then fades away.
My vision is blurred,
thoughts shallow and insecure,
walking back and forth,
but never knowing where to go.
Wondering,
waiting,
a brighter light illuminates
the beating heart
and the contemplating mind
combine to produce
one thing required
to survive in this
cold,
cruel
world.
Smiles replace tears
and faith replaces confusion;
in His eyes,
I am home.

here we go again

Swallow the Pain Away [12 Oct 2004|10:32pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Swallow the Pain Away

The bitter taste
on your tongue
radiates throughout your body.
It kicks in.
A sense of
euphoria
overwhelms you.
You're free from
the outside world,
devoid of
obligations and guilt.
Then nerves take over
and soon the
shaking and sickness begin
and you're left
cold and alone.
No one is there.
No one has ever been there.


[written tonight, just because it was on my mind. don't know why, but that's what came out]

here we go again

The Death in Living [12 Oct 2004|02:37pm]
The Death in Living

Falling apart.
Slowly dying,
day after day.
The pain is
never ending.
The constant voices
telling me what do do
and how to do it.
The beating of my heart
overwhelming me with love;
I drown in my thoughts.
My own blood,
with the memory of steel,
always speaking of my flaws,
but dismisses my triumphs.
Welcome to my life,
now watch it burn.


sorry I haven;t updated this in awhile. I've been busy. But I'll try to post some more tonight.
here we go again

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